February 20, 2017
Everybody Wants To Get In On the Act
Guest Column by I.M. Tickmeoff
*How many planets are there? Name them.
How many continents are there? Name them.*
(Boomers, Seniors...you probably felt confident in what you were taught. Seven continents, nine planets. “Arctica” is not a continent, just a HUUUUUUGE aggregation of ice. Take that, Trebek!)
August 2006. When Pluto got booted off the planet list. Thus engendering a need to sell whole new science textbooks, celestial maps, planetariums ...I suppose it was some stupid scheme to create more jobs.
Okay...it was only Oct. 28, 2016, when this column informed you that an upstart continent, too sneaky to show its face, is migrating to India Regular and burying itself under it, like a scared Chihuahua burying itself under a bigger animal during a thunderstorm.
Too ashamed to rise up honestly and claim its proper place on the planet. In the solar system.
So while poor old Pluto, having done NOTHING WRONG, gets DOWNGRADED to DWARF PLANET and is being listed now with Eris, Haumea, and Makemake (I am not makemaking this up)...(Cue in the music: The Lonely Bull ) …this chunka rambling real estate grabs headlines, and then ducks for cover? Engendering the need for more maps, textbooks, blah blah blah.
And we have to UNlearn Pluto, LEARN India Deluxe or whatever it's being dubbed, AND remember that Arctica is not a continent...when we can't remember where we left our car keys...
And then? And then? AND THEN?
Something ELSE we have to remember!
Zealandia! Feb. 18, 2017 ! Everybody wants to get in on the act...
TEXTBOOKS! MAPS! GET ME OUTTA HERE !!!
“Zealandia is believed to have broken away from Australia about 80 million years ago and sunk beneath the sea as part of the break-up of the super-continent Gondwanaland.”--NBC News**
Zealandia is actually trying to hide, and there's no room under India. Scram, Newcomer!
(Yeah, seems this 350-million-year-old fossil ...of a scorpion... that is allegedly the oldest known land animal... on Gondwanaland—said fossil being found near Grahamstown, in South Africa's Eastern Cape-- was found in September, 2013.) (It was a predator. Being a scorpion and all.)
Score one for our team. Boomer and Senior Predators.
(Gondwanaland means “Land of the Gonds.” The Gonds were a tribe in...now this is getting REALLY annoying...India!)
Seem a little...suspicious... to you? To whom do we complain about this kind of thing?
I am so creeped out-- and—of course-- ticked off!