January 30, 2017
Wanna feel smart?
RS will signify something you can flash around as Real Smarts.
MEELS will signify a situation or person that Makes Everyone Else Look Smart.
RS: There's a town in Quebec with three dashes and two exclamation points in its name. (Founded, no doubt, by some guy with stock in punctuational typefaces.)
Saint-Louis-du-Ha! Ha!'s name, per Wikipedia, refers to nearby Lake Témiscouata. The sense of ha ha here being: a French phrase meaning, an unexpected obstacle or abruptly-ending path.
(Boy, do THOSE come up a lot, don't they ?)
This is the only town in the world with two exclamation points in its name.
MEELS: The Harris County, Texas, Sheriff's Dept. busted alleged drug kingpin Ross LeBeau and jailed him for three days... after TWO of their field test kits said he was transporting methamphetamine. AFTER three days, the large bag of drugs (the bust of the year!) was determined to be what the suspect said it was. Kitty litter.
RS: Only three mammalian species outlive their fertility: humans, killer whales, and short-finned pilot whales.
Killer whales can start reproducing around age 15. They have a gestation period of 17 months, so the females reach puberty around age 13. They stop having babies in their 30s and 40s. They CAN live to around 80, so they have – poor blighters -- a menopause.
(Say what you will about the trials and tribs of aging. Puberty and menopause can be real-life horror movies-- I know, I know!)
MEELS: True story. My sister used to work Mental Court. They put the squirreliest judge in the county on the bench. On purpose. If HE thought the person needed treatment, the person needed treatment!
A man came before the court who had driven around the state for weeks, looking for the exact TV set that was “raping his mind.” One summer night ...he felt its vibes! The folks inside were watching All in the Family. Our hero walked through the unlocked screen door, leveled his shotgun, and gave the TV both barrels. Scaring the folks on the sofa as badly as a person can be scared.
An overwhelming feeling of peace suffused him. He went outside and sat quietly on the porch, awaiting Johnnie Law. He never felt the mind-raping vibes again-- so he had gotten the CORRECT TV set!
Flash forward to Judge Squirrely. He gently explained that the man must understand how this looked. He would have to commit the man for a few days for an evaluation. For everyone's peace of mind. He asked, “So, do you have any questions?”
“Just one, Your Honor. Will this keep me from becoming a lawyer?”
MEELS: True story. It happened in 1978; modern equipment would have done MUCH more damage.
Anatoli Bugorski was working at the Institute for High Energy Physics on a particle accelerator called the U-70 Synchrotron.
He stuck his head inside the tube. A safety mechanism failed. The particle beam hit him in the head.
He reported seeing a flash "brighter than a thousand suns", but with no immediate pain. There ensued tissue damage and burns-- but he is still a functioning human being, and even finished his PhD.
RS: The orange clown fish (the pretty orange ones with the big bands of white) forms a symbiotic relationship with a sea anemone. Hangs out among the anemone's poisonous tentacles. On purpose. The fishie is faithful to its home base anemone for its entire life-- around 10 years. It chases off the ratfink butterfly fishies, which eat anemone tentacles... and have been observed to have grazed down whole AREAS of anemones after meddling scientists removed the local clown fish.
The article cited below is full of interesting items about the two critters... including “Clown fish cannot live in the wild without a host anemone. They are poor swimmers. (Emphasis mine.)
So. This fish LIVES UNDERWATER but is a POOR SWIMMER ? COME ON....
Its Creator makes up for this rather dispiriting situation by giving it a coating that protects it from the anemone's poison. (Great. I'm stuck in this trailer park for life, AND everything is poison, AND all I have in my arsenal is this protective coating? )
RS: The sea anemone is HALF animal. It is also half plant. According to its genetic code.
You can't make this stuff up.
[Well, actually... you can. Check out Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. And, if memories of my years at drive-in movies and soaking up sci-fi TV are correct … the movies The Mutations, The Thing, Swamp Thing, and Seeds of Evil.
(Technically, we have to disqualify beings that are half fungus. Plants are not fungi. Also the tree trunk reanimated by the indwelling spirit of a man who was executed for a crime he didn't commit—see From Hell It Came.)]
MEELS: Stuck for an ENDing, you ask? Of course not. I've had SEVERAL people send me-- honestly believing it-- the old urban legend. The one about the woman who thought she was shot in the head while sitting behind the wheel in her sizzling car. Heard the pop... felt the impact on the back of her head... reached back to the painful place...felt her brains oozing onto her hand. Knew she was dying. Drove to the hospital, where laughing medical personnel told her that the can of refrigerated biscuits in her grocery bag had exploded, slinging raw dough onto her hair.
The 2016 version is a satire. A WalMart shoplifter sticks a can of refrigerated dough for making cinnamon rolls ...into the only body orifice that is in the back. His body heat explodes the can.
You CAN make THAT stuff up.
Awake! Number 6, 2016... The Extraordinary Clown Fish.
Eugene, OR Register-Guard, from the New York Times. The Reason Killer Whales Go Through Menopause. 01-13-17